Blonde Jokes

Short Jokes • Story Jokes • Top

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday.

How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.

What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.

If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.

How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.

How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.

What would a blonde say if you blew in her ear?
ÒThanks for the refill!

Why do blondes have more fun?
Because they don't know any better.

How can you tell if a blonde has used your computer?
There'll be white-out on the screen.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to put information into a computer once.

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.

How does a blonde do a High-Five?
She smacks herself in the forehead.

Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To try and catch everything that's over their heads.

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle?
A dope ring.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They can't dial 911 there's no eleven on a telephone.

Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Their heads always get stuck in the jar.

Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages.

Why did the blonde put T.G.I.F. on her shoes?
Toes Go In First.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
That's where you wash vegetables.

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You can park in a handicapped zone.

Why don’t blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to re-train them.

What do you call a zit on a blonde's backside?
A brain tumor.

What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Spot.

What do an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
You often hear about them, but you never see one.

Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.?
Because they can't spell it.

How many blonde jokes are there?
None, they're all true.

What does a blonde who has dyed her hair brown have?
Artificial intelligence.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, she holds the bulb still and the world revolves around her.

What do you call a bunch of blondes in a freezer?
Frosted Flakes.

How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
Gifted.

What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan?
I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly.

What's the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.

Why did the blonde freeze in the winter?
Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season.

Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter.

How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
With a tire gauge.

How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.

What did the blonde yell when she saw the car accident?
Ò I'll go and call 911, what's the number?

What goes vroom-screech, vroom-screech?
A blonde driving through a flashing red light.

What's a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air?
Collecting her thoughts.

What would you call a bunch of blondes stacked on top of each other?
An air mattress.

What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why do blondes wear a ponytail?
To hide the valve stem.

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Give her a pack of M & M's and ask her to alphabetize them.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
100; 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M & M's.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory?
Because she kept eating all of the ones with W's on them.

What is the only job a blonde can do in an M & M factory?
Proofreading.

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means Stop.

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

What is the mating call of a blonde?
I'm soooo drunk!

What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
I said, Ô I'm drunk!

What is the mating call of a brunette?
Is that fucking blonde gone yet?!?!?

Why do blondes always fail driver's tests?
Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.

What would a blonde say if her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
Is it mine?

What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date?
If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!

What does a blonde use for birth control?
Brown hair-dye.

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Unfertilized.

What are the first two things that a blonde does in the morning?
1. She introduces herself. 2. She goes home.

Blondes are too biased. It's always, Buy us this, buy us that!

I once knew a suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hands.

What did the blonde say when she saw Cheerios?
Ahh, donut seeds!

What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch?
A brunette that told too many blonde jokes (grin).

How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.

How does a blonde confuse you?
She tells you she did.

How do you hit a blonde and she will never know it....with a thought!

How can you tell a smart blonde from a dumb blonde....the smart blondes have dark roots.

Why don't blondes eat pickles...because they get their heads stuck in the jar.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory...she threw out all of the W's.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday...tell her a joke on Friday.

What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt...brain tumor.

Why don't blondes make kool-aid...can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packages.

What do you call a blonde with half a brain...gifted.

Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes...stands for Toes G o In First.

How many blondes does it take to change a tire .... 5--2 to get sodas, 2 to cry and 1 to call daddy.

How do you give a blonde a brain transplant .... blow in her ear.

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common .... they're both empty from the neck up.

What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear .... thanks for the refill.

What's the mating call of a brunette .... Is that darn blonde gone yet?

Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink .... that's where you wash vegetables.

How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle .... shine a light in her ear.

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde .... you can park in handicapped zones.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you .... pull the pin and throw it back.

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall .... to see what was on the other side.

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb .... 6 - 2 to read the instructions, 1 to find the switch, 2 to stand on, 1 to screw the bulb.

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb .... two .... one to hold the diet pepsi and one to call daaaady.

The blonde stayed up all night to see where the sun went .... it finally dawned on her.

Brunette to the blonde .... Awww, look at the dead birdie .... the blonde stopped, looks up and says, "where"?

How do you know a blonde has been working at your computer .... there is "white-out" all over the screen.

How can you tell if another blonde been using the computer .... there's writing on the "white-out".

Why do blondes wear ear muffs? .... to avoid the draft.

What did the blonde visiting O.J. think this was .... spilled finger nail polish.

What is the blonde doing when she hold her hands over her ears .... trying to hold on to a thought.

Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? .... because it said "concentrate".

Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet .... she thought it was diet "coke".

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering .... the noise gave her a headache.

Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips .... from trying to blow out lightbulbs.

Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar .... she heard that the drinks were on the house.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs .... they don't know the route.

Why does blondes have elevator jobs .... they like going up and down.

Why do blondes work seven days a week .... so you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

How does a blond know if she's on her way home or on her way to work .... she opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it

How did the blonde die drinking milk.......the cow sat down

Why don't blondes make chocolate chip cookies .... it takes to long to get the shells off the M & M's

Why can't the blonde keep a job at the M & M factory .... she keeps throwing away the W's

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts .... change

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies .... 10 .... one to mix the dough and nine to sort out the W's

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies .... 3 .... one to make batter and two to peel the M & Ms.

How can you tell if a blonde has baked chocolate cookies .... there are M & M hulls all over the floor

How can you tell if a blonde is going to back chocolate cookies .... she is throwing out all of the W's

What is written at the bottom of a blonde's fishing pond .... bring your own fish

Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool .... no smoking

what does a blond do when someone says its chili outside .... she grabs a bowl

what do you call a blonde with one brain cell .... gifted

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells .... pregnant

What is a blond with brunette died hair .... artificial intelligence

Why did the blond stare at the orange juice .... it said concentrate

Why Can't Blondes get "mad Cow Disease .... you can't get it twice

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes .... knock on the door

What stops then goes, stops then goes .... A blonde at a blinking red light

What do you call two blondes in the freezer .... frosted flakes

Pepsi came out with a new can just for blondes .... It has "open other end" printed on the bottom.

Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears .... they're refuelling

Why do blondes comb their bangs strait up .... They don't want anything going over their head

How did the blonds brain cell die .... alone

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios .... Hey, Look!! A bunch of doughnut seeds

What do you call a smart blond .... Labrador

How many blonde jokes are there? .... none, they're all true

Why don't blonds ever become pharmacists .... It's too hard to fit the bottle in the typewriter

Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio .... she didn't want one for nights

Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet .... she was last years hide and seek winner

Why are there blonde jokes .... to make brunettes jealous

Why doesn't a blonde make Kool Aid .... couldn't get 8 glasses of water in the little packet

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde .... you can park in the handicapped zone

What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under water .... a blonde trying to put it out

What do you call a blonde with a brand new P.C .... a dumb terminal

How do you call a blond .... you don't .... you whistle

What does a blond say when she see's a banana skin on the side walk .... am going to fall again

I'm a blonde and still like blonde jokes .... must have been written by a true blonde

Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand .... so brunettes can understand them

How did the blond burn her ear .... the phone rang while she was ironing

What's a blond between 2 brunette .... a mental block

Why do blondes wear their hair up .... to catch anything that goes over their heads

Why does a blonde smile when there is lightening .... she thinks she is getting her picture taken

There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but they could not get in .... the sign said, "must be 18 to enter"

How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb .... only one .... she holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her

What do you call 3 blondes that walk into a building .... beats me .... you would think one of them would have seen it

How do you drown a blonde .... glue a penny to the bottom of a pool

Why are there no brunette jokes .... because blondes would have to think them up

How does a blonde make instant pudding .... places the box in the microwave, and looks for the "instant pudding setting

How do you confuse a blonde, put three shovels against the wall and tell her .... to take her "PICK"

How do you drive a blonde crazy .... put her in a round room and tell her to stand in the corner

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead .... trying to make up her mind

What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes .... interpreter

What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box .... a case of empties

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink .... that is where you clean all vegetables

Why did it take the blonde 7 days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago .... she kept seeing signs that read .... stop clean bath room

A blonde went to the doctor's with burnt feet, "how did you do it" asked the doctor" .... "cooking soup .... the instructions said "open can .... stand in boiling water for 7 minutes

There were two blondes driving to disney land in Los Angeles. The were looking for signs that would lead them there. One of them finally saw a sign. It said "Disney, Left .... so they turned around and went back home

Why can't a blonde make ice cubes .... Don't know the recipe

How do you get rid of blondes .... form a circle, give each a gun and tell them they are a firing squad

Why did the blonde buy a brown cow .... to get chocolate milk

What is the difference between a dead blonde and a skunk in the road...there are skid marks in front of the skunk.

What's the difference between a blonde and a lightbulb...the lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is eaiser to turn on.

What is the blondes highest ambition in life...to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What can save a dying blonde...hair transplants.

What are the six worst years in a blonde's life...third grade.

What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common...you keep hearing about them, but never see any.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer...I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.

What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy...a hundred dollar bill.

How do you confuse a blonde...You don't. They're born that way.

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries...if she had a checkbook.

How can you tell when a fax has been sent from a blonde...there is a stamp on it.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook...she gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot...bigfoot has been spotted.

What does a blonde make best for dinner...reservations.

What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on...it's on, it's off, it's on...

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts...change.

What does a blonde say if you blow in her (or his) ear...thanks for the refill.

What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair...last years hide and go seek winner.

What do you call a basement full of blondes...a whine cellar.

What do you call a blonde at the bottom of the pool...an air bubble.

What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel...an air bag.

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes...a mental block.

What do you call 20 blondes standing ear to ear...a wind tunnel.

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle...a dope ring.

What do you call a blonde in college...a visitor.

What is five miles long and has an IQ of forty...a blonde parade.

A blonde and brunette jumped off of a 20 story building. The brunette hit the pavement but not the blonde...she got lost.

Boyfriend said to his blonde girlfriend, I am going to go skeet shooting .... but I don't know how to cook skeet.

Question to the blonde .... why do you have an ice pack on your chest .... to keep the milk fresh.

How do blonde brain cells die .... alone.

How do you measure a blonde's intelligence .... stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear.

How to you keep a blonde busy all day .... put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you .... run .... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle .... shine a flashlight in her ears.

How do you kill a blonde .... put spikes in her shoulder pads.

Why does a blonde wear shoulder pads .... to keep from hurting her head as she rocks it back and forth and said "I dunno".

How do blondes pierce their ears .... they put tacks in their shoulder pads.

How do you drown a blonde .... put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Why do blondes hate M & M's .... they're to hard to peel.

How do you know when a blonde is making chocolate chip cookies .... there are M&M shells all over the floor.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory .... proof reading.

How do you keep a blonde in suspense .... I'll tell you tomorrow.

How do you keep a blonde busy .... write "please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.

Why can't the blonde make ice cubes .... she lost the receipt.

Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed .... she wanted to see what she looked like when she was sleeping.

How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek .... one.

What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone .... divorced.

Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven .... she didn't know which 1 came first.

Why are blondes so dumb .... so brunettes can understand them

Why do blondes have more fun .... they are easier to keep amused.

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear .... data transfer

What does a blonde say when told she is pregnant .... Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

Why don't blondes make Jello? .... they can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes .... Toes Go In First

Why do blondes drive BMWs .... because they can spell it

Why don't blondes eat pickles .... because they can't get their head in the jar

How did the blonde try to kill the bird .... she threw it off of a cliff.

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves .... she fell out of the tree.

How did the blonde die, drinking milk .... the cow stepped on her.

How did the blonde burn her nose .... bobbing for french fries.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month .... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds".

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops .... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.

Why do men like blonde jokes .... it is one thing they can understand.

Why do blondes like lightning .... they think someone is taking their picture.

Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces .... from eating with forks.

Why do blondes have more fun .... they are easier to keep amused.

What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides .... an interpreter.

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer .... frosted flakes.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head .... a space invader.

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case .... branch manager.

What do you call a smart blonde .... a golden retriever.

What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes .... the back of her head.

What does a blonde owl say .... what, what ....

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies .... 10 .... one to mix the dough and nine to peel the M & M's.

Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence .... to see what is on the other side.

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back .... from crawling across the street when the sign said "don't walk".

Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat .... in case she locks the keys in her car.

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet .... so she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Why was blondes created .... because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge .... why were brunettes created .... neither could the blondes.

Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor .... she thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.

Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months .... because the box said from 2-4 years.

Why did the blonde call the welfare office .... she wanted to know how to cook food stamps.

Where do blondes go to meet their relatives .... the vegetable garden.

What do you call four blondes in a Volkswagon .... far - from - thinkin.

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerois .... oh look, donut seeds.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra .... spot.

Why are dumb blonde jokes so short .... so brunettes can remember them.

Why can't blondes put in light bulbs .... they keep breaking them with the hammer.

When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head .... when you have a tire pump to re-inflate it.

Why was the blonde upset when she got her driver's license .... because she got an F in sex.

Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow into the air .... she missed.

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blondes ear .... data transfer.

What is gross ignorance .... 144 blondes.

Short Jokes • Story Jokes • Top

One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a
sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.

Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks. The first blonde said, You know, those look like deer tracks. The other blonde said, No, silly, those are moose tracks. They were still arguing about it when a train hit them.

A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing her jigsaw
puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.

One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland. As they passed
through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said, Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home.

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were all walking down
the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill lying on the ground.
Luckily for the dumb blonde, she was able to get to the money first,
her friends didn't exist.

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a
medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have
it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I could ever eat twelve.

One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The blonde looked up and said, Where?
On a hot summer day, an angry blonde woman was brought into the hospital with severe burns on her mouth and lips. When the doctors asked her what had happened, she said that she had caught her boyfriend with another woman, so she had tried to retaliate by blowing his car up.

A blonde woman became very depressed when she looked at her driver's license and saw that she had an 'F' in sex.

Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six young boys, all of whom she named 'Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked, Why did you name all of these boys 'Jimmy'? The blond said, So I can keep track of 'em. The aunt gave her a wild look. So you can keep track of 'em? How the heck can you do that when they're all named 'Jimmy'? The blonde looked at her aunt, shrugged and said, No problem, I just call them by their last names.

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde, now worried, moved to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The voice replied, NO, YOU DUMB BLONDE, I OWN THE FUCKING ICE RINK!

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. Then, one of them decides to call 911.

Blonde: We need help, me and two other blondes are trying to change
a light bulb.
Operator: Hmm. Have you put a fresh bulb in?
B: Yes.
O: Is the power in the house turned on?
B: Of course!
O: And the switch is on?
B: Yes, yes!
O: And the bulb still won't light up?
B: Actually, the bulb's working fine.
O: Then what's the problem?
B: Well, we got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell
off and hurt ourselves.

Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, were stranded on an island. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated the distance to be about twenty miles. So, she announced that she was going to try and swim back.
After swimming five miles or so, the brunette began to get tired. However, determined to keep at it, she kept going. Unfortunately, ten miles out, she became exhausted and drowned.
The redhead, who was stronger than the brunette had been, decided to give it a try. After getting out about ten miles or so, she too began to get tired. Just like the brunette, she was determined to keep going; only five miles from the mainland, she too became exhausted and drowned.
Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of the three. And so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten, she knew that she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam away from the island, and was making good time. She passed ten miles easily; however, when she reached fifteen, she began to get tired, too. But she kept going.
Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the blonde realized that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam back.

The blonde went to the doctor and the doctor asked her how she got the hole in her left hand. She said I wanted to die so I was going to shoot myself. I put the gun up to my chest and thought "This isn't right...I would mess up my $3,000.00 boop job"....I then decided to stick the gun up my nose and thought "This won't work....it will mess up my $2,000.00 nose re-construction"...."so I put the gun to my right ear but I am afraid of noise so I put my left hand over my left ear"

New father-in-law to his blonde daughter-in-law...Honey I was going to give you a new computer as a wedding present .... Why didn't you .... I hired a new blonde secretary and she couldn't get the "White Out" off of the screen .... What's "White Out"?

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde and a smart blondes are walking down the street when they spot a $100.00 bill. Who picks it up? .... The dumb blonde because there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy or a smart blonde.

A blonde and her boy friend went for a walk along the river. The blonde walked across the bridge to the other side of the river and the bridge fell down .... The blonde yelled to her boy friend .... I can't get back across because the bridge fell down ....Boyfriend yelled back, walk to another bridge .... I can't it's 75 miles .... Wait until it is dark and I will shine my flashlight across the river. You get on the light beam and walk across ....No way, I will get half way across and you will the light off

Two blonds were walking through some woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks" While they were arguing over what kind of tracks they were a train came by and ran over them.

A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?" .... "Oh, I'm sorry .... do you want me to start over and talk slower?"

A blonde goes into the hair parlor with her walkman on .... I need to take the walkman off .... you can't I'll die .... but I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears .....you can't take it off, I'll die .... Flustered the hair stylist grabs the walkman and takes it off of the head of the blonde .... the blonde dies. The police come and listen to the walkman .... it is repeating "breath in", breath out, breath ....

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp, which said, " I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said "I wish I were smarter", so she became a redhead. The second blond said "I wish I were smarter than her" so she became a brunette. The third blonde said "I wish I were smarter then both of them" so she became a man.

A blonde was driving through Iowa, past some corn fields, when she looked over and saw another blonde. She was setting in the corn rows and was rowing like she was in a boat. The blonde called over to the one in the corn field and said "It is stupid blondes like you that gives the rest of us blondes a bad name. I would come over there and knock your head off .... if I could swim."

A policeman pulled a blonde over while she was driving the wrong way on a one-way street .... cop: Do you know where you are going? .... blonde: No, but whereever it is, it must be bad because all the people are leaving.

Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 1/2 hours .... the directions said "cook it for half an hour per pound, she weighted 125 pounds.

How to confuse a blonde? Ask one, "How do you confuse a blonde" and walk away .... they will bug you for the answer all day

There was this Blonde driving home from work and she happened to see another Blonde girl out in a cornfield rowing like she was in a boat. She got out of her car and yelled hey you dumb Bimbo, It's blonde's like you that give all us other blonde's a bad name. I would over and knock your head off .... . if I could swim.

Two blondes are walking in the woods. On their venture they come upon a set of tracks. One of them turns to the other and says "I think these are bear tracks." the other disagrees and states "no they are deer tracks" .... while they continue to argue the train hits them
There's a sack of gold in the middle of a room, and in the room, there's the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde. Who gets the gold .... The dumb blonde, because the rest are all make-believe.

A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down and there were only 4 parachutes. So the pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. The pope told the brunette to take the last one. The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left .... the blonde took my backpack.

The blonde painted an X on the bottom of the boat, so she could find the same fishing spot again .... and her blonde friend called her and "idiot" because they may not get the same boat again.

What do you call 10 blonds tied together at the bottom of the ocean .... an air pocket.

A blond and her boyfriend went for a walk along the river. The blond walked across the river. While on the other side the bridge fell down. She called across to her friend that she couldn't get back. He yelled back, "Wait until dark, I will shine my flash light across the river .... get on the light beam and walk back" She replied .... "No, I'll get half way across and you will turn the light off".

There was a blonde, who was tired of blonde jokes and being made fun of. So she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car and started driving in the country. All of a sudden, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.
Asking him .... If I can guess the exact number of sheep here will you let me have one? The shepherd thinking this was a pretty safe bet agreed .... 235 said the blonde .... . surprised the shepherd told her to pick one out. She looked around for a while and found one that she really liked .... she picked it up and was petting it. The shepherd walked over to her and said .... If I can guess your real hair color will you give me my sheep back .... the blonde thought it was only fair to let him try .... your a blonde .... now give me back my dog.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move. The copilot replies .... I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica.

There are three blondes stranded on an island, they want to cross the river but they don't know how .... they find a magic lamp. One of the blondes rubs it, the genie says "I'll give each one of you one wish." The first blonde says, "I wish I was ten times smarter than I was now. The blonde then learns to swim and swims across the river. The next blonde says, "I wish I was ten times smarter than she was." The genie turns the blonde into a brunette and she builds a boat and paddles across the river. The next blonde says ,"I wish I was twenty time smarter than both of them put together" .... The genie turns the blonde into a man and walks across the bridge.

There were three women walking across the beach, there was a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde and they found a magic lamp. So they rubbed it and of course a genie came out. The genie said" I'll grant you each 1 wish. The brunette said "I wish to be prettier." The genie said "POOF your prettier." The redhead said "I wish to be smarter "The genie said "POOF your smarter." The blonde said "I want to be dumber" The genie said "are you sure." The blonde said "yes I want to be dumber." So the genie said " POOF" and the blonde turned in to a man.

Three blonde women stand in front of a wide river and thinking of how they could get to the other side. Suddenly a ghost appears to them and says each of them has one wish. So the first one says, I wanna be a hundred times as smart as I am now. Then she cuts a tree and rows over the river. The second looks at that and says, I wanna be one thousand times as smart as I am now. Then suddenly she jumps to the next group of trees, cuts them all and builds a boat. Then she sails over the river. The third one says, "Fine. I wanna be a million times as smart as I am now." She looks up, sees the bridge, and walks to the other side.

Three blonde's were standing by a wide river and wondering how they could get to the other side. Suddenly a ghost appears to them and tells them they each have one wish. So the first one says, I wanna be a hundred times as smart as I am now. Then she cuts a tree and rows over the river. The second looks at that and says, I wanna be one thousand times as smart as I am now. Then suddenly she jumps to the next group of trees, cuts them all and builds a boat. Then she sails over the river. The third one says, "Fine. I wanna be as smart as man" She looks up, sees the bridge, and walks to the other side.

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